Couples Counseling

Are You Looking To Breathe New Life Into Your Relationship?

Do you and your partner have trouble communicating without becoming defensive or critical? Does it seem like you argue in circles because neither person is really listening with empathy, understanding, or compassion?

Perhaps you’ve hit a wall in your relationship that’s left you lonely, hurting, and worried about your future together. Or maybe like many couples, you’ve merely drifted apart over the years and you’re hoping that therapy will help you find that spark again.

Alternatively, it may be that you’re in a polyamorous or non-traditional relationship and you’re having difficulty navigating that unique—and sometimes challenging—landscape.

Relationships And Marriages Face A Host Of Obstacles

As relationships and people change, it’s possible to grow disconnected mentally, emotionally, and sexually. Communication becomes more and more difficult as each person struggles with feelings of ambivalence, frustration, anger, and even contempt.

At times, it may seem like your partnership or marriage has become one of convenience with neither person being fully satisfied nor fulfilled. Or perhaps you’re in an unbalanced partnership where one person requires all the attention, makes all the decisions, and has all the power.

Whatever your situation is, therapy can help you deal head-on with your relationship and provide you with the tools and insight needed to thrive as a couple. With support and guidance, you can breathe new life into your relationship and experience a mutual sense of love, vulnerability, and playfulness once again.

Many Couples Find It Difficult To Maintain A Healthy Relationship

Most people believe that being romantic and staying connected to their partner should be effortless, but the truth is, life happens and people change and sometimes grow in different directions. Often, once the honeymoon period fades, couples are left with the reality that things feel different and perhaps frustrating.

Finances, careers, the birth of children, parenting styles, in-laws, aging, and illness all present unique challenges. Many couples aren’t equipped to handle the accompanying stressors, which is where counseling can be so beneficial. Couples therapy has you recognize the imperative that sharing a joyful life with another person requires constant loving attention and focus.

Most Of Us Were Never Taught How To Nourish And Maintain Healthy Relationships

Instead, we unconsciously fall back on the first relationship patterns we learned from our family of origin. Chances are, however, that no one taught our parents and extended family how to listen to and empathize with each other either. As a result, internalized attachment styles end up getting played out in our adult relationships without conscious awareness.

When conflict occurs, defensive structures start to arise. Poor communication skills, spiteful behavior, shame, and avoidance—it all builds until there is disconnection, betrayal, or resentment. And though some people turn to alcohol, substance use, or someone outside their relationship for comfort, these behaviors only create more heartbreak.

Working with a couples therapist will show you how to turn to one another for support–how to heal and nurture your connection so you can relax, trust each other, and simply enjoy being together.

Couples Therapy Is About Healing Your Relationship And Growing As Individuals

Many people who reach an impasse in their relationship just need guidance in learning how to listen and express themselves in healthy, productive ways. Couples counseling provides you with a neutral forum where you will work to hear each other, improve communication, and gently strip away defenses.

My first job as a therapist is to give you a safe environment free of judgment or blame where you stop avoiding issues and finally get to the root of the problem. Where you might otherwise be tempted to lash out or defend yourself, I act as a referee who keeps fighting and criticism in check so you actually work through challenges instead of arguing in circles.

What You Can Expect From Your Couples Therapy Sessions

First, I’ll help you identify and unpack all the major issues that are creating tension, tackling each one with clear objectives. If a problem is financial in nature, we break down the specifics and create a roadmap for achieving the goals you decide to set together. If it involves poor communication, couples counseling focuses on teaching you new ways of listening and speaking to one another.

I will likely also guide you toward building your emotional IQ with one another through the use of bibliotherapy, thought-provoking worksheets, educational videos, and the co-creation of exercises that will help you keep the spirit of couples therapy alive between sessions. Because coordinating schedules to meet with a couples counselor in-person can be a hassle, I offer counseling sessions online so you can work on your marriage or relationship from the comfort of your own home.

And although the goal may be to reconcile and heal your relationship, if separation is on the table, I will work with you to consciously and amicably uncouple. This work is especially beneficial if children are involved.

Some Of The Tools I Use In Couples Therapy

I employ a range of strategies in couples counseling that include techniques for elevating communication skills and cultivating empathy, as well as designing exercises with you that are specific to fostering intimacy through sex therapy. I also model active listening and assist partners in unpacking resentments and reconciling differences. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) addresses negative thoughts about the self that may contribute to relationship issues.

Additionally, I work through a somatic lens, focusing on releasing emotional pain—particularly trauma from past wounds that have built up and are stored in the body. I may also suggest meeting individually to help supplement couples therapy sessions. All of these tools help create a treatment plan that’s unique to each partnership.

So wherever you are in your relationship or marriage, couples counseling can help you get clear on what you want and how to get there. If you are ready to push yourselves and work together, change is possible—and that can lead you and your partner to newfound self-expression and a profound, intimate connection to each other.

Perhaps You’re Considering Couples Therapy But Still Have Some Concerns…

I’m afraid that dredging up old problems will lead us to get a divorce.

My goal is to guide you both to heal your connection and find healthy ways of moving forward with your relationship. That said, if a separation or divorce is ultimately what you want, I can’t promise that counseling will be able to keep your marriage together. However, I can help you decide what you want from couples therapy and guide you in setting goals to get you there. I work with you in negotiating change regardless of therapy’s outcome.

I just can’t get my spouse to change.

Your job is not to motivate your spouse to change; people have to do that on their own. Your only responsibility is learning how to communicate so that you can be heard. It’s my job as a marriage counselor to help you do that in ways that make your spouse more receptive and empathetic to the messages you are sending.

We’ve seen other couples counselors and therapy just didn’t work.

Every couples therapist is different, so it’s imperative to find someone who really speaks to your situation. Rather than sitting back, taking notes, and nodding, I play a very active role in the room. My style is to be supportive yet direct, preventing you from arguing or falling back on unproductive behavioral patterns. Using a blend of tried and true therapeutic strategies from my years of experience with thousands of individuals and couples, I’ll do my best to help you reach your relationship goals. 

Let Me Help You Reignite The Passion In Your Relationship

If you are ready to breathe new life into your relationship and discover new ways of communica

ting and connecting with your partner, I would love to help. Please contact me through my website to set up your free, 15-minute consultation to see how couples therapy may be able to help improve your relationship or marriage.