Sex Therapy

Does Your Sex Life Lack Excitement, Fun, And Intimacy? Do You Want More Joyful Erotic Connection?

Clients come to sex therapy frustrated about challenges in their sex lives. They seek passion and memorable intimate connection. Confused and dejected, they want sex that feels satisfying and effortless.

The answer to feeling turned on and deeply connected lies within each one of us. 

Sex therapy increases your capacity for sexual intimacy, pleasure, and fun. It gets you comfortable with your unique erotic blueprint, which leads to sex worth having.

Working with a skilled sex therapist in individual or couples counseling, you will learn to understand and work through the sexual roadblocks of discrepant desire, inhibition, fear, and shame. 

Sometimes Sex Feels Complicated 

Too often, people mindlessly go through the motions of sex in a masturbatory fashion, or they relegate sex to a “to do” list. They worry about not feeling turned on by their partners, or worse, feeling lonely during sex. 

People in relationships often want their passion to be like it was in the beginning—hot, effortless, and transcendent. But there are a wide range of physical, emotional, and cultural factors that complicate sexual intimacy, and problems are common among individuals and couples alike.

Was Quality Sex Education Lacking?

All of us were influenced in childhood by cultural, familial, and religious beliefs that we unconsciously carry forward into adulthood. 

We are born sexual beings, with everything in place to have magnificent experiences. But too often in early life, awkward conversations about sex (if there were any at all) left us without an understanding of our bodies and how they work. We learned that talking about sex was uncomfortable. This led to early experiences that left us vulnerable to shame, pain, and confusion.  

We were not given the gift of having our sexual selves normalized and validated. Information about STIs, unwanted pregnancy, and the dangers of sex may have been all that was offered. For most people, early sexual experiences were then hidden in fumbling secrecy, lacking in communication, intimacy, and pleasure.  

Are You Concerned That You Are Sexually Repressed Or Abnormal?

Your sexual choices are a vital part of your individuality whether you are asexual, bisexual, straight, or queer. If you struggle to feel satisfied or to satisfy your partner, it’s common to develop the belief that something might be “wrong” with you.

Negative thoughts related to shame, insecurity, and performance take you away from pleasure. Being able to stay in the present moment is essential for satisfying intimacy, as challenges with sex have a ripple effect that adversely impacts your ability to emotionally connect during intimate moments.

Why Is Sex Physically Painful Or Emotionally Distressing?

There may be underlying emotional or physical conditions that can cause sex to be painful or uncomfortable. In some cases, I may refer you to a pelvic floor specialist or urologist to assist us in understanding how to treat your discomfort.

Men who experience erectile unpredictability will often be impacted by secondary anxiety related to their performance. Similarly, if you are facing a serious illness or have experienced physical, sexual, or emotional trauma, you may feel distressed or on-edge in sexual situations, causing you to disassociate or to avoid sex altogether. 

Healthy sex should neither be painful nor distressing.

Is It Too Late To Fix This?

Absolutely not. It’s possible to restore a sense of connection and pleasure in your sex life through sex therapy. Working with a trained and qualified sex therapist in a safe and nonjudgmental space, you will dispel myths, heal wounds, and enhance eroticism in your life. 

Sex Therapy Offers A Chance To Overcome Obstacles To Intimacy

You may have internalized a need to keep your sexual self hidden from view. It may feel like you’re hiding behind a smoke screen of secrecy and shame. A skilled and experienced sex therapist will help you get comfortable with your needs and desires while demystifying pleasure.

As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I have worked with thousands of individuals and couples of all orientations in sex therapy, focusing on the following concerns: 

• Desire Discrepancy 
• Inability to Orgasm
• Delayed Ejaculation
• Premature Ejaculation
• Sexual Pain
• Sexual Trauma
• Lack of Libido
• Sexual Shame
• Sexual Curiosity and Exploration
• Performance Anxiety
• Erectile Unpredictability
• Lack of Passion
• Loss of Attraction
• Opening Up

What To Expect

There’s no getting away from the messaging about how sex should look from depictions in social media, movies, and porn. Sex therapy can help you let go of unrealistic expectations and embrace authentic, embodied pleasure.

Throughout early sessions, I’ll learn more about your goals for intimacy counseling, which could include:

• Having an orgasm for the first time
• Aligning your desires with your current partner 
• Reducing physical symptoms that make sex uncomfortable
• Opening up your relationship 
• Increasing passion as a mature monogamous couple

I’ll tailor the therapeutic process to your needs while treating you with respect and sensitivity. 

My Approach

My approach varies depending on my client’s presenting issues and goals, but sex therapy likely involves psychoeducation, behavioral techniques, and exposure to specific resources to enhance your feelings of safety and pleasure. Putting you at ease is an essential element of sex therapy, so I’ll check in with you regularly, pacing the process in a way that feels comfortable for you. 

Working together, we’ll get to the core of what turns you on and off. With your goals in mind, I may encourage you to watch educational videos, read erotica, purchase a toy, or cocreate exercises that you explore at home between sessions.

A qualified and experienced sex-positive therapist specializing in issues of intimacy and sexual disorders will offer counseling that paves the way to positive sexual perspectives. Not only will you learn to overcome challenges related to your erotic blueprint—successful sex therapy affords you newfound freedom, wisdom, and connection. This leads to the possibility of transforming your physical and emotional satisfaction into something extraordinary.

As Someone Considering Sex Therapy, You May Have Some Questions And Concerns…

Maybe this isn’t fixable because there’s something wrong with me.

This is a very common concern for clients considering intimacy counseling, but I assure you that you—and your desires—are perfectly normal.

I’ll work with you to achieve reachable goals and remove the pressure you’re feeling. The process of sex therapy may feel challenging at first, but it won’t make you any more uncomfortable than you already feel. In fact, there’s a strong chance of having a successful outcome.

I’m embarrassed to discuss sex with anyone, much less a therapist. 

Sex is usually the least discussed issue in a relationship, so I wouldn’t expect you to feel comfortable discussing it with a stranger. Most of us have not been given the proper tools for discussing intimacy, eroticism, fantasies, and sexuality. In the beginning of therapy, most clients find it unnatural to discuss these topics, but I encourage you to think of this as learning a foreign language; with time and practice, it definitely gets easier. 

My role as a sex therapist is to offer you a safe and comfortable platform for talking about sex so that you can feel free to discuss your fears, hopes, preferences, and desires. 

My partner and I come at sex very differently. Can you help us bridge the gap?

I bring a sex-positive, nonjudgmental attitude to the work of sex therapy, along with respect for diverse and unique individual histories and preferences. Sex therapy looks at the intricacies of the whole person: the spiritual, physical, emotional, cultural, intellectual, and psychological. When working as a couple, these qualities are unpacked in an inter-relational context. 

Couples that I work with may be monogamous, curious about opening up, consensually non-monogamous, polyamorous, straight, gay, queer, and/or interracial. Sometimes intimacy counseling is a last-ditch effort to save the relationship, but individual differences are always treated with respect.

What if nothing can help? 

Your situation is not hopeless. As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I’ve encountered a wide range of sexual challenges among many clients who have had very positive results through our work together.

Intimacy issues in a couple are very often a symptom of other problems. I take a thorough assessment before establishing a plan with you that will address concerns in and out of the bedroom. I am trained in couples therapy and consider your unique histories and viewpoints as I tailor the intimacy counseling process to target your specific needs.

Learn To Free Yourself Of Inhibition, Shame, Trauma, And Frustration So You Can Feel Free To Turn On 

If you are coming up against physical, emotional, or mental roadblocks when it comes to achieving a satisfying sex life, therapy with an AASECT-certified sex therapist can help you explore your desires and facilitate more pleasure in your life. Contact me to schedule a free consultation or find out more about my approach. Sex therapy is available in Southampton, NY and throughout New York City.